Merci.

They say everyone u love
Leave their mark on you
Boy was I impressionable back then
Today I say my thanks
You were what you were
Otherwise
God knows what I'd have picked up

I'll start with you
For you were my first
Simple, shy, unaware
We wanted the same things
Please the Father and our parents
Have fun
Just be innocuous
While sticking to the values
Handed down to us

13 years down the line
Life's taken us places
We'd only imagined back then
I'm not the same shy boy
Hovering
Taking forever to hit the nail
Scheming
Hoping for the right setting
Assuming
The approach dictated the answer


But I remember him
He comes back to me
Every once in a while
Keeps me in check
This one you helped shape
Today I can be him again
Without consciously
Putting him on
Wonder how he's related
If he's me while being you.

Catharsis

My fingers get bruised and blistered
As I crawl along the floorboards
Each limb movement
Requires more energy than I have.
I inhale
And gasp for oxygen
In the very next breath.

My vision’s limited
By the gloom;
My sense of smell’s assuaged
By the stench of failure;
The eerie silence
Accentuates every sound
From my raggedy breath
To the scraping evoked
As flesh tracks on wood.


I know I’m fighting
A lost battle.
The exit’s way too far
My reserve’s more or less depleted
The acrid stench of sulphur
Reaches me
And I know
Hell’s hounds have come.

I cast a glance back
And wish I hadn’t
My heart stops
And no amount of willing
Would coax a beat out of her
Dark beasts with huge fangs
Bound toward me
Panic swaps seats with terror
And wakes up the old lady


Causing me to turn once more
Towards the shaft of light
At the other end
Giving voice to my despair
I call out to the light
And get lifted
And cleansed
And strengthened
And relocated
And reimbursed
And reinstated
I’m a king again
Only this time
I can die no more.

EXPECTATIONS!

She keeps his late nights
Mentally
Worrying when he fails to show up
Sighing when he finally does
Wearily she quietly lets him in
No drama, no argument
Budding egos are the most sensitive
Her words tonight would only fuel a fire
So she submits albeit temporarily
To his desire to be Lord and Master
She locks up and goes to bed.

He feels her pain
There’s too much of her in him
No words are needed
Not even a look or a gesture
Deep down
Despite his machismo
He’s still that 4yr old
Who only sleeps at night
Knowing he’s won her approval
The cord was cut but the cord remains
And no anaesthetic can dull
The pain it transmits.

She lets one drop on her pillow
As she pieces together
Her phrases for the breakfast chat
She has no guarantee he’ll listen
Or take heed
But she’ll fight whatever she has to
However she has to
To get to him
She whispers a fervent prayer
And gives in to the fatigue
For it takes her to another time
When Tunji still breathed.

He knows he can’t keep it from her
Any longer
But how does he tell a parent he loves
And feels responsible for
The truth?
How does he explain that her expectations
Are so heavy and confining
They have thus far defined who he is?
That he only sees himself
Through her eyes
And has no sense
Of who he really is
What he really likes
And why he does what he does
Other than that
He loves to see her smile.