Unashamed

“And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed” Genesis 2:25.

Whenever I’m around a toddler, I find their lack of guile intriguing. They might be a bit wary of a strange face initially, however once they get comfortable with you there’s no social filter. They’re completely trusting and can ask strangers for anything they want. That changes with time as adolescence kicks in and social graces are learned.   One way through which these graces are often taught is the advocacy of self-sufficiency or independence; however, true self-sufficiency is a myth.

We all need others. The benefits of communion include second-party feedback, encouragement, reinforcement of shared values and external validation; we tend to stay healthy when rooted in healthy communities rather than in isolation. Yet, problematic loneliness is an emerging global health issue.

The negative cultural connotation attached to vulnerability as well as negative consequences of being open and honest in our relationships are major factors that perpetuate the status quo. Shall we examine them together?

First, let’s look at what vulnerability is: being vulnerable is the quality of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. This state might be due to temporary or permanent frailty, fragility or feebleness. Vulnerability is a relative concept and often a post-hoc discovery; only becoming obvious when our defences are overwhelmed. It’s also stimulus-specific (for example, a house on a hill might be immune to floods but prone to wind damage) and is often the consequence of multiple previous, non-fatal attacks (leading to weakened defences).

Misinterpreting vulnerability for absolute weakness often leads to cultural stereotypes that promote social isolation and paradoxically make us more prone to attack. A lone wolf might project strength and independence by day; come nightfall however, the threat of attacks from smaller animals in packs (e.g hyenas) becomes very real. Apparently, being blind to areas in which we’re vulnerable leaves us constantly vulnerable.

We often underestimate the behaviour-modulating effects of past trauma. Fears about receptive (rejection, judgement, unfair criticism) and expressive (inadequacy, hurting others) consequences of being vulnerable are valid reasons to lock up and hide away especially when past scars were inflicted by those from whom we least expected them. The danger with avoidance reactions however is that they provide a false sense of security; no matter how many insulating layers we pile up or hide underneath, we’re still prone to being triggered by the appropriate stimuli.

How do we cope with our vulnerabilities?

First, embrace and own them. They’re as much parts of our persona as our other attributes so why not acknowledge and work around them? Cases in point; the extremely introspective and reflective Apostle Paul acknowledged the war between his renewed mind and Adamic flesh in his letter to the Romans (Romans 7:21-23) just as Jesus inadvertently divulged to his disciples that He had second thoughts about going through the ordeal of the cross (Matthew 26:39). These weren’t random acts of weakness in otherwise stoic individuals but rather expressions of vulnerability within safe spaces where they were unlikely to be criticised or judged.

And that brings us to the concept of safe spaces, which I like to refer to as interactions where we can let our defences down and be ourselves without fear of judgement or criticism. They could be one-on-one or group interactions: a spouse, close friend, mentor or therapist. These moments of introspection and complete honesty are vital in our personal growth journeys.

Finally, we would do well to identify a reason to press on despite feeling vulnerable. Often, the desire to complete a higher purpose or role we are meant to fulfil provides enough fuel to power on. For Christ, it was recognising that His work on the cross would bring mankind redemption while Paul’s encounter on the road to Damascus left him with a sense of purpose that he wasn’t going to abandon despite his imperfections.

Feeling broken or imperfect might tempt us into retreating into our shells or consider ourselves write-offs as far His will is concerned. However, we’ll do well to remember we’re built for His purpose and not our perceptions of perfection.

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of power may be of God and not of us”.  2 Corinthians 4:7

“And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness’. ….. therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong”.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10